A traditional Christmas letter. Boston Globe columnist Alex Beam parodied the letter in his column this week.

Credit: BEV Norton / Flickr

The Boston Globe's Alex Beam On Christmas Letters, Snowy Owls And Secondhand Stress

December 12, 2013

Boston Globe columnist Alex Beam was the Open Mic guest on Boston Public Radio with Jim and Margery. Beam took on the dreaded annual tradition of the Christmas letter, explained why Logan Airport should kill off its Snowy Owl population, and wondered about a malady described in the Wall Street Journal as "secondhand stress."

Here are a few choice quotes from Beam from the segment.

  • "If it's a choice between planes going down and these purportedly cute snowy animals, who are actually vicious ... I'm for killing the owls."
  • To test airplane engines, engineers throw lightly defrosted frozen chickens into them. "Snowy owls are bigger than that!"
  • "The Snowy Owl is the coyote of the air."
  • "In the West, they give children a gun and say, 'Come back with ten coyote pelts or you're not getting lunch.'"
  • Beam challenged birder Vern Laux to a debate: "Let him defend the heinous Canada geese."
  • On Jim Braude's phone addiction: "I've sat with you at your cubicle at NECN, while you're bleeping on your phone and your stupid Blackberry ... I'm thinking, 'What a pathetic person this is.'"
  • When Jim suggested Beam take callers about secondhand stress: "I don't want to hear from callers."

Listen to the entire interview below.

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